12/11/21 Old Pains Puppet

12/11/21

I woke up feeling under a thought net of some kind. I can feel the familiar dull pain in the background.. nagging me..what is it? Where is it coming from? What fear am I believing in, am I engaging in, am I giving my creative attention too.. 

What are the contents of the thought net?

Old Pain is saying more pain is coming..that I’m stuck with it .. It’s saying get away from the source of the pain. That the physical aspect of my dream is damaged and needs help and is going to keep attacking. That it’s not going to get better.. That I’ve made a mistake and a fool of myself. That those around me could see it and will now lose respect for me. I’ll be embarrassed. Fear of being embarrassed and looking stupid and losing the respect of people around me. So old pain thinks I need that respect and now creating a suffering story.

It’s also talking about something I’m dreading telling someone in my dream. News that is exciting for me but will trigger the fear and negative behavior towards me from someone in my dream. Old Pain fears that negative consequence because it’s a challenge to hold my peace in the face of this person's intense fear and I’ve been facing it almost daily for about 2 weeks now. Am I not telling my news yet out of fear? or out of knowledge to let the fear in the other person subside first, then tell them? I hear Old Pain say you should just run away from this person.. tell them you made a mistake. Stop having to deal with their intense fear and attacks.

What is Old Pain wanting and needing from the situation? If I can find that and let that go, I think the pain and thought net will lift. 

Or am I giving this way too much thought attention by analyzing it and processing it and trying to see the answer while asleep in the dream? And should I just take my attention back? Stop trying to find the source of pain while asleep? 

Wake up! Let alignment tell me.. Let the source show me. Stop listening to old pain at all. Focus on the feeling of connection, carefree state,, nothing matters, none of this matters.. Float.. in spaciousness,, It’s not real.. none of this matters.. Float away from this scene.. I see myself like a fluffy cloud passing by this scene. Keep moving. Keep relaxing. It doesn’t matter, It’s a dream, It means nothing to what I am. 

I die to Old Pain in that scene and float away from it. I see myself flop to the ground in front of Old Pain as it’s talking to me- like a puppet who has just cut their strings. I cut the strings by shifting my focus to surrender/dying and how it feels to not care..to not have to care. I was engaging as if it were real. It had my attention. Now the carefree cloud has my attention. I see myself lying still like a dead person as Old Pain is trying to talk to me. It’s not being heard. It’s not being absorbed. It’s not being acknowledged. It’s not being felt. I’m floating away from it now. I’ve died to the situation. Through ultimate surrender I free myself. I don’t care about anything that Old Pain says. It’s not true. I don’t care. I can see old pain standing over me trying to revive me. Trying to reattach the puppet strings. It needs me to engage in order for it to stay alive and have a stage to carry out its drama on. I will not be that stage. Death, stillness, detached, unengaged..unconcerned, feels so peaceful. I feel no pain now. I’m awake. 

I float away towards a better dream now. A smile returns to my face and I watch the dream of the fun I’ll have on the trip I’m getting to take. 

I haven’t been able to travel in almost 2 years now. I love to travel. I’ll dream about that now and smile to myself. I love airports. I love walking through the airport following signs to my gate. I love sitting at the gate and waiting on my flight. I love watching the planes outside and the people inside. I love walking in the shops in the airport while I wait. I love the smells. The announcements over the loudspeaker announcing flights and gate changes and the moving sidewalks and sky cars /shuttles that take you to far off gates..standing in line to scan my ticket. Walking down the jet bridge to board the plane. Finding my seat by the window. Putting headphones in so I can avoid small talk. All of it. Taking off. Seeing the landscape disappear under the clouds. I’ve missed it so much. 

  • See you are engaging with the fear and Old Pain
  • Cut the strings by taking your attention back and putting it on not caring anymore.
  • See yourself die, laying lifeless as old pain tries to revive you because it needs your attention and participation to be real. This is surrender.
  • As you lie there lifeless begin to float away from old pain.
  • Reclaim your attention wand. See beautiful dreams in the clouds with you, Engage with a beautiful dream or just lie there and focus on nothingness and the feeling of return, of awakening

Old Pain is now turning peace into a need and trying to create suffering and pressure to maintain it.

Omg how insane can it be. Old Pain is talking to me about needing peace.. That we must have it or else. Omg. It’s absolutely crazy. Old Pain will use anything it can. If it can get me to want, need, or desire something..then it can hook my attention. The strings go on. It now holds my attention and controls my behaviors.

There is a song on pinnochio There is a song on the movie pinocchio called I Got No Strings

I've got no strings

To hold me down

To make me fret

Or make me frown

I had strings

But now I'm free

There are no strings on me

No care or attention to anything Old Pain says, and the strings stay off. You stay free.

  • The next time you hear the voice of Old Pain talking, no matter what it's talking about, end each sentence hearing old pain asking the question.. "don't you want that?" or "don't you need that?" or "don't you deserve that?" Answer..no thank you.. You don't want it by the way the mind is going to tell you to get it. Decline any offer that the voice of Old Pain offers you.
  • Just as it was trying to get me to NEED peace.. making a requirement out of peace.. it was baiting me. We need peace! Don't you deserve that? We have to have that!!" If I agree, it has me.. I will suffer and separate myself from the place of true lasting peace. Instead it will take me off on a journey for peace and have me doing all kinds of stuff to get it... and all I had to do was say.. no thank you.. I don't want it. In wanting it I lose it. In not wanting it, I have it. The voice of the mind will bait you to desire things then lead you astray from the true source of those things.



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